Chris LunaI tell every new client, if you’re serious about becoming successful with women, you don’t need to walk, talk, dress or look like me, but you do need to learn to think like me. That’s because any man who is consistently successful with women is able to solve a specific set of problems that come up in every relationship, and often he is able to resolve these issues before they arise.
A big part of my job as a dating coach is teaching my clients how to identify, solve, and prevent these problems. This process takes every man who goes through Craft of Charisma coaching on a journey through four phases of dating development.
Four Phases of Dating Development
Phase 1: Lost
In the first phase, you’re lost. In certain ways, this is probably how you’re feeling now. When a man is lost, he doesn’t know what he’s doing right or wrong. Since he can’t identify these things, he can’t examine them. When he’s successful with a woman, he doesn’t know why things went well. This is really what it means to “get lucky.”
And when things don’t go well, he’s left with a lot of questions that he can’t answer, or when he attempts to answer these questions, he misdiagnosis what went wrong.
When a man is in this phase, it’s impossible to have consistent success with women. Most of the men who first contact me about hiring a dating coach start in this phase.
Phase 2: Awareness
In the second phase, awareness, a man becomes aware of what he’s doing right or wrong, but he can’t act on the knowledge quickly enough for it to be useful to him. It can feel like the world is moving forward, and he’s seconds behind everyone and everything else.
As an example, he might know that he needs to begin to touch a woman, otherwise he’ll end up as her friend, and yet, he’ll find that he can’t get himself to do it. Or maybe he’s aware that he should say something to create sexual tension, or to move a sexual partner into a more committed relationship, but by the time he realizes it, or develops the courage to do so, the opportunity has passed.
During this phase, a man understands what he’s doing right and wrong, but he spends a lot of time reflecting on the things he should have done differently.
Phase 3: Control
As a man becomes more aware during his interactions with a woman, his response times with acting on the knowledge of what he should do will decrease, until he reaches a point where he can act on the things that he’s seeing, feeling, thinking, and experiencing, in real time.
It’s at this point that a man has reached the third phase, control. This is a great place to be, because it means that a man is self-correcting. When things aren’t going well, he can diagnosis what’s going wrong with a reasonable level of accuracy, and he can self-adjust.
This is the minimum phase that I want my clients to reach. It’s the place that I want you to get to, because it means that you don’t need me nor Craft of Charisma any longer. You’ll know that you’ve reached this phase, because you’ll be able to date successfully (whatever that means to you) with a very high level of consistency. You’ll feel like a man who has control in his dating life.
Phase 4: Mastery
Mastery is the final phase. During mastery, a man has absorbed the lessons from the earlier phases, and they’ve become part of his personality. When he’s with a woman, he no longer has to think about what’s going well. Instead, he’s living in the moment. He’s acting on instinct. He’s reading her responses and acting on the them on a subconscious level. He’s out of his head. He’s present.
This is not only where a man wants to be in his dating life, it’s the place where all of us should strive to be in every moment of our life.
Chris Luna
Founder, CEO, and Head Dating & Life Coach @ Craft of Charisma dating and relationship coaching.