Chris LunaHave you ever been intimate with a woman you liked, only to have her not return your phone calls?
Many movies, songs, and celebrity gossip reinforce the stereotype that men only want sex, while women try to trap most guys they sleep with into a relationship. But based on five years of coaching clients full-time, as well as my own personal dating experience, these assumptions are no longer accurate, if they ever were.
In today’s Sex and the City culture, much of the stigma associated with female promiscuity has evaporated. Sex isn’t that big of a deal to a lot women in major cities, so just being sexually active with a girl is not enough to get into a relationship with her, although it certainly helps.
The Woman’s Position
Imagine that you had women hitting you up for sex all the time. Would you jump into a relationship with the first woman that you slept with? Probably not.
Well, if the woman is attractive, she is in that position. She can barely leave her house without getting hit on. In today’s society, she has as much financial independence and social license as a man to do what she wants.
You’re going to have to do more than sleep with her to make her want to enter an exclusive relationship. She has options, so she’s not going to begin an exclusive relationship or even continue sleeping with you unless she sees value in it.
Thus, once you’ve developed a basic competence in the mechanics of courtship, you should work on developing an attractive lifestyle so that women will want to stick around.
Developing a Lifestyle
The most important thing, far more than money, is that your lifestyle keeps you engaged, excited, and challenged, because she will then feel excited and challenged by you.
I’m not suggesting you take women that you just met on business trips, vacations, or sports outings. It also doesn’t mean that you have to have a stereotypically “exciting” jet-setter lifestyle. What it does mean is that if you’re excited about your life, she will pick up on that energy and want to be a part of it.
Chris Luna
Founder, CEO, and Head Dating & Life Coach @ Craft of Charisma dating and relationship coaching.