Secret of Seduction

Recently, I was questioned by my friend Ali: “I have an uncle who is a seduction master. The guy never seems to get rejected by women. I even asked him what his secret was. But he couldn’t explain it. All he could say is there’s this moment, and when he feels it, he goes for it.” Ali looked at me bewildered and said, “Do you know what he’s talking about?”

What his uncle was attempting to describe is actually the secret to a successful seduction. It’s an understanding of what the other person is feeling, and the use of that knowledge to make choices about when to push forward and when to pull back. This includes knowing things like the right time to approach a woman, ask for a phone number, or go for a kiss. Like anything, this timing is a skill set, and it can be developed through experience.

In our coaching programs, we actually teach a series of frameworks that our clients can use as a cheat sheet to process their experiences, until they develop this instinct.

Our “When to Kiss a Girl” article contains one of these frameworks. The idea is that knowing when to make the next move shouldn’t come from a set of rules in an obscure book, written by an even more obscure dating guru. It should come from the woman that you’re attempting to seduce. She is the best source of information for what to do next.

Ask any woman, and this will make sense to her. But for now, I’m going to use an example to bring this idea home.

People joke that men always want sex, but the truth is that sometimes we’re more open to sex than at other moments. Maybe you’re having a stressful week at work, exhausted from a long day, or (women are going to hate this one, but it’s true) you had an interaction with another woman who you found more attractive than your current mate, and you began comparing them in your head. All these things will negatively affect your sex drive.

My point is that a man’s emotions influence his receptivity to seduction. Women are no different. Although there are certain things that WILL turn a woman on, women are NOT sexual robots. You can’t press a button and cause them to respond the way that you want them to.

Seduction is more like boiling a pot of water. Once you add the flame (sexual tension), the water slowly warms until it reaches a boiling point (the point in which she will be receptive to a sexual advance). But unlike a pot of boiling water, women will reject you if you turn up the heat too fast for their comfort level.