Chris LunaDo you want to naturally attract women?
Naturally attracting women means not using pickup lines, canned routines, or gimmicks. It means that the woman wants you because she likes the real you, and not because you used canned lines to trick her into thinking you’re someone you’re not.
When I came into the dating coach scene, most coaches used fake names and alter-egos (many still do). They told men that they had to dress like them and talk like them if they wanted to be successful with women. Modeling is an important part of learning anything, but this was ridiculous.
Even before I made the decision to coach, there was one night when I realized things were out of control.
I was at the Playboy Mansion with a bunch of well-known pickup artists. I met this incredibly beautiful woman who was sweet, intelligent, and had a great personality. We immediately hit it off. As the night went on, we talked, and laughed, and things naturally progressed.
Meanwhile, I watched as the other guys did magic tricks, ran routines they had practiced all week (which they also taught in their workshops), and struggled to connect with any of the women at the mansion. At the end of the night, I went back with her to her hotel, while the other guys went home by themselves. They were trying so hard, I actually felt sorry for them.
What did they do wrong? They weren’t being themselves. Emotions are contagious, and if you’re not comfortable with yourself, it comes through, and women can feel it.
Men often forget that women want to meet men, and that they want to have sex, too. It’s biology. But they’re looking for certain qualities in a man, and if he has these qualities, then it just “feels” right. If he knows what to do, then things happen.
How to Develop the Qualities That Women Look for in Men
Our personalities are constantly changing in small ways based upon our experiences, and over time, these changes add up. Maybe you’ve experienced this. You might have had a friend that you hadn’t seen in a long time, and then one day you run into him again. When you see him the second time, he’s a different person. Maybe he lost weight, gained weight, got rich, went broke, became educated, got caught up with drugs, got off drugs…
Whatever the change, it’s obvious that he’s different. In my case, I was naturally shy around women. But through a lot of the right type of incremental experiences, I developed confidence with women. Even though it felt slow, for a lot of the people I grew up with, this change was dramatic.
I remember when I first started doing television interviews as a dating expert; a girl from my high school wrote me an email because she was shocked that a person could change so much. I have to be honest, reading it felt amazing!
You see, your experiences influence what you’re capable of. In our dating coaching programs, we call this growth the expansion of a person’s personality. Right now, you have a certain personality. I want you to imagine this as a box. The edges of the box are your limitations. Now I want you to imagine a second box. This box is bigger, and the first box fits inside it. The second box is the minimum personality that the women you want look for in a man.
If you’re not dating the type of women that you want, it’s because the first box (your personality and skill set) is smaller than the second box (the minimum qualities the women you want are looking for).
So what’s the solution? Expand your personality until your box is big enough that the women you want fall within it. This is what it means to naturally attract women. No one is born with these skills; they’re developed.
In my experiences as a dating coach, I’ve found that men get the best results when they understand what’s holding them back and focus on improving themselves in those areas. Part of my job and my team’s job as dating coaches is to figure out what those areas are, so that our clients stop wasting time and start enjoying their lives.
Though this process, we don’t want our clients to look, dress, or talk like us, but we do want them to reach their full potential, which is special, because most people never will.
Chris Luna
Founder, CEO, and Head Dating & Life Coach @ Craft of Charisma dating and relationship coaching.